grateful

i'm grateful for my photography teacher's method of teaching. he had us all keep a journal and that was our major grade for the semester. having a journal be the major grade in a class was new to me and forced my personal opinions to come out in my writing. before this class my writing was strictly impersonal. i was not a noun used and me would never enter word while i was writing. that's the way we were taught in high school. sure it gave me the tools to always be able to write a complete essay on any subject but, i was never able to achieve a voice in my writing. it's probably because the focus was never anything creative or fictional. always something analytical so we could prepare for our ap tests. by spending a year writing in a completely different style than i ever had i was able to find my voice (i think at least) and get comfortable with actually having a voice.

i've never been one to speak out on a subject. you wouldn't see me raise my hand in class, or take on an issue i believe in against someone else who didn't. that year i was able to put down all of my opinions on all of the topics we discussed in class. i was able to figure out what i actually believed in and be sure in my opinions. this was probably because there was only one person who was going to read my thoughts and after a year i probably wouldn't see him again. since this class i've opened up and have learned to speak out in support of issues i believe in. really i've gotten into two heated discussions about the primary and global warming that i would've totally avoided before. i've also been able to keep up my voice in my writing. the next semester i kept that style in my american art class, and it payed off. my professor enjoyed reading my opinions and questions. her acknowledgement of them lead to my increased involvement in class discussions and discussions with her. she and my photography professor are the only college profs i would still keep in touch with.

thinking about this, i completely hated writing in high school. i was sure i would not want to be a history or english major in college because that would force me to do something i hated. luckily i only had a choice between art history and theatre for performing arts and i found this odd love for art history. otherwise i think i'd still hate writing. and the weird thing is in third grade i went through a phase where i wanted to be a writer. i actually wrote a book! (it was closely based off of a bunch of goosebumps, so it wasn't much) to think i went from that to hating writing, it makes me wonder if it was worth being able to write an essay on anything. i really wouldn't give that up knowing how hard it is for my other friends who weren't in ap classes to compose even a simple essay. but if i hadn't found a passion for art, and photography, i wouldn't have regained the type of writing i actually enjoy and want to do.

although i still haven't become comfortable exposing my writing to the world. there's only one person who has read my photography journals and most of my other papers. and i haven't told anyone at all about this blog. so i still have some things to overcome.

(i can't believe i wrote three posts in the same time frame again... i have a problem haha)

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